I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
