Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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