So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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