god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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