my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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