Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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