i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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