so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
