i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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