I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
