just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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