UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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