Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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