Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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