All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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