i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
