Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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