Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize