it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
