She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
