I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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