Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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