I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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