I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
