My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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