I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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