2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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