is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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