Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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