If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
