the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
