So drunk its hurt
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's rum buckets o'clock
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
