Kiss
Puke
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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