Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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