is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
