i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
