There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
birth control should be required to get into college
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
