We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
