I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
