I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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