do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
