youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
