i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
