My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
