Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
