Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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