oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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