Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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