Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize