you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
