Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
