I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
