My underwear smells like fireworks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize