I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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