okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My life is pants optional.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
