Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
