yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
