i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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