I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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