There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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