I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
