Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
