I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
