Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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