He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
