Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
