My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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